Quotes: the humorous, and the inspirational.

To bring a smile to your face today :)

I Found these quotes at http://www.goodquotes.com

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

Illiterate? Write For Help

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?

"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous" -unknown

Consciousness- that annoying time between naps

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay

A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door....

"Everyday is a gift, thats why they call it the present."

"i have the answer in my head. i just havent found it yet"

"The most powerful position is on your knees."

People can live one hundred years without really living a minute.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey.

"The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate"

Do not envy the one you admire most, instead, try to make yourself one that can be envied

-"Only those who can see the invisible can do the impossible!"

"You only live once...but if you live it right, once is enough"

"If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it"-Jonathan winters.

"Knowledge talks, wisdom listens"

"To control others is to have power, to control yourself is to know the way" - Lao Ma

"If the first grape you eat is bitter then you will not bother eating grapes again. If the first grape you eat is a sweet one then you will be willing to eat a lot of bitter grapes in search of another sweet one "

"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet" - Roger Miller

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. --Alexander Graham Bell

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference. -- Calvin Coolidge

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? -- George Eliot

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. -- Goethe

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. -- Robert F. Kennedy

Friendship with one's self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. -- George Bernard Shaw